On How We Arrived At Our Current M/s Dynamic
How did we arrive at our current M/s dynamic? The short version is that it was a gradual process.
A longer version goes something like this… Over the last 10 years, we evolved from a one-on-one D/s structure to a two-Master multiple-slave household.
Very early on in our relationship, I introduced Lady Christie (she was vanilla when we met) to BDSM, thinking that she was submissive. Being very open-minded, she said she was willing to try the different things I told her about. We explored BDSM together – we switched so that she could experience both sides. We tried D/s (yes, I had the gull to try to boss LC around 24/7!) but very quickly figured out that she is not a submissive.
In 2002 I had a wonderful play partner who expressed interest in D/s and M/s. My play partner and LC also got along really well. We decided to try it out.
At this time we were complete novices about structured relationships, and therefore took every opportunity to learn more by reading books (Guy Baldwin’s and Christina Abernathy’s books), and attending meetings and conferences. Finding out about MAsT Metro NY and attending the meetings was a very important step in our development. Here we were able to hear about others’ experiences, both good and bad. MAsT (and all of you members!) has been a tremendous resource and source of inspiration for us over so many years now.
So how did we start out? We actually started out the “hard way.” We wrote a contract and a protocol. The protocol included a voice protocol, present positions, and rules about general behavior. Of course, we modified this protocol over the years (a recent version is available here). The first contract we established was for three months.
The relationship evolved in stages. It started intuitive – through trial and error – by learning from doing. We recognized the importance of feedback, and therefore discussed each new experience afterwards: what did we do right?, what we did we do wrong?, what can we do better?, etc.
Over time, we came to realize that there are five key ingredients to our successful M/s relationships:
When there are issues or problems, we can almost always boil it down to one or more of these points.
Today our household structure is a blend of the military and business models. Yes, I have a military background. The military model comes through in order giving, honorifics, form of address and presents. Both Lady Christie and I have extensive corporate background (management techniques). This is reflected in how we organize, plan, schedule and provide feedback.
We very carefully choose who we take in for service. Of course, they need to be interested in service and submission. We look for good communication skills and a skill set they can apply as they provide service in the household. It is important that they fit into our household (both lifestyle-wise as well as vanilla). We are looking to build relationships – not just “weekend trips.”