Bonding and Spirituality in M/s Relationships

Service is an essential part of many M/s relationships and provides a natural way to bond between Master and slave. However, most service is task and goal oriented. In other words, the slave receives orders to complete a set of assignments. It is straightforward to measure the success of this type of service, simply by answering the question “was the task accomplished and the goal reached?”

Needless to say, the bonding between Master and slave goes beyond the completion of orders and task/goal orientated service. For example, part of the service slaves may provide is service of which the Master is unaware. They are often able to anticipate their Master needs, wants and desires – and take care of those unobtrusively and without calling any attention to them before the Master has to give an order.

This is one example of the symbiosis that is so prevalent in thriving M/s relationships, contributing to the creation of an intimate bond between Master and slave. As a result, the experience is that of mutual belonging or togetherness, a sense of “we”. What we are talking about here is orthogonal to the physical plane, and we may therefore want to refer to it as the spiritual plane of the relationship.

It takes time to develop a spiritual connection and if we have it, we have to continue to work on it to keep it alive . We need to spend time together, share experiences, and just talk. Yes, we have all heard it before: communication, communication, and communication are the most important means to establish mutual trust and understanding.

Trust develops over time from consistency and honesty in intent and action. If someone says they believe strongly in something, we insist on them maintaining that belief and not changing it from week to week, right? People we trust, or are developing a trust in, we expect to be truthful and not hold back important matters.

Note here that both Master and slave have to be willing to give of themselves, a mutual transparency of sorts. Without the openness and transparency, no trust can be built and our “psychological firewalls” will still be there. Often we talk about that our slaves have to be transparent; but how can they be transparent if we as Masters are not? It is a two-way street – as Owners we set the standard by being transparent ourselves.

Spiritual belief and intimacy also serve an important role. This does not mean that we need to practice the same religion/spirituality or that we need to have sex constantly. The mutual sharing of different spiritual beliefs provides an excellent way to better understand each other, our identities and personalities. Not having a particular belief is fine too, as long as we are open to accept and respect the other’s beliefs.

In an M/s relationship there are many different expressions of intimacy. Finding the right channel here is key, whether it is through sex, SM or some other form. Both Masters and slaves have the need to feel and express their identity; that of being dominant and submissive, and to experience the physical manifestation of power exchange and control. Beyond protocols and household rules, play and SM are activities in which these can be brought to their core. Intentionally inflicted pain enforces who is in charge and who is on the receiving end. This physical expression of control transcends to the psychological plane and can provide a truly spiritual experience. Daily rituals are another channel to connect with each other that can sometimes be equally powerful. Rituals allow us for a moment to ignore the demands and burdens of daily life and to just focus on our connection and our place, here and now. Feeling and experiencing that together has a long-lasting effect, way beyond the duration of the act itself.

In closing, it is  important to explore and identify our core values and build our relationships with those in mind. This includes our core beliefs about the nature of the world around us as well as our ethical and moral standards. Speaking for myself, stripping away everything else, the foundation consists of trust and transparency exercised through our willingness to openly communicate with the symbiotic goal to understand and support each other on a more profound and spiritual level. These are the cornerstones of M/s relationships that I have seen myself going back to, time and again, in both good and bad times.


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